To the Lady I Had an Argument with Yesterday at Sylvia Park:

I'm sorry I raised my voice, and I'm sorry I lapsed into the vernacular, but I have already been inconvenienced by a do-gooder such as yourself who had preconceived ideas about disabled people.

My wife has one leg - I showed that to you yesterday. My wife also has a disability parking permit - specifically BECAUSE she has one leg.

We bought our beautiful Toyata Hilux in 2009 (which we nicknamed "Big Red") BECAUSE my wife has one leg. We tried the Hiace van, but it was too high for her to be able to hoist herself into. We had previously owned a Camry station wagon, but when transferring from the car to the wheelchair, she has to slide uphill, as it is too low.

Big Red has smaller wheels than the standard Hilux. This makes the seat hight about 5 cm higher than the wheelchair, and turns out to be a workable compromise for transfering.

The large load tray at the back means I can easily fold the wheelchair and store it in the back.

Unfortunately, in 2009, there was no automatic model available with the smaller wheels, so my wife does not drive Big Red.

She also doesn't drive a taxi, her work van or my father-in-law's Honda CRV. She is often a passenger in all of them, and they all park in disabled bays, BECAUSE she has one leg.

Disabled bays are wider than normal bays to allow wheelchair access, and have ramps to easily get onto the pavement.

About 10 years ago, somebody reported me to the Botany Downs parking attendant for parking in a disabled bay. I was fetching my wife from the hairdressers, and had been seen walking away from the empty car. When I fetched my wife, we went for lunch, and so when we returned to car park, enough time had elapsed for the parking attendant to clamp our car.

Since I had rather foolishly forgotten to put the parking permit in the window, I was technically in violation DESPITE my wife having only one leg. I had to pay $50 on the spot to get the clamp removed.

What if a do-gooder reported me, and as a result my car was towed? How would I get my wife home - it would be difficult, BECAUSE she has one leg.

I appreciate that there are people who use their relatives' parking permits illegally, but I do it BECAUSE she has one leg.

Disabled people may drive, or be driven in, any vehicle they wish - a Ferrari, a Rolls Royce, and yes, even a Toyota Hilux.

Particularly a wheelchair-friendly, low slung, comfortable, dependable Toyata Hilux.

Finally, for anyone who wants to question how a disabled lady can afford such an "inappropriate" vehicle, I would like to point out that there was no taxpayer's money spent, and she's not a leech on society. My wife is a qualified Accountant. My wife earns good money, for hard work, as do I, AND she has only one leg.

The Philosophy of Negative Expectations

As previously mentioned, I had some notes on my take on Constructive Pessimism floating about. I fished out this lot - basically just a lot of headings, but a good starting point.

I wrote this list about 3 or 4 years ago, and they are admittedly a bit disjointed, but I'm happy to defend them for the sake of a heathly debate!

Negative Expectations basically can be summarised as the first rule:

1. "Give much, expect nothing, take only what you need"

-That is, treat people the way you wish they would treat you, but don't assume it will be reciprocated. Expect to be treated indifferently or with hostility, and when someone surprises you, it will be a pleasant surprise!

2. "Expect the worst, then every surprise is a pleasant one"

-This is the central theme of Constructive Pessimism

3. "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail"

-The optimist is likely to ignore unlikely sources of failure, because he thinks unlikely is a risk worth ignoring.

4. "Work smarter, not harder"

-Give a new task to a lazy man, and he'll find an efficient way to do it. Be motivated by greed, laziness and selfishness, and you're bound to make something useful.

5. "Do not suffer positive fools"

- Positive is a result, not a magic potion. Being positive does not make positive things happen. Positive is your additive in the fuel, but the fuel itself is the work you're putting in.

6. "Live every day like tomorrow is a foregone conclusion"

- Facing consequences is harder than facing death,so assume that tomorrow you will have to explain your actions.

7. "Dance like the camera's off and the room is empty...except you know there's someone behind the mirror"

- Many introverts behave as if they were extroverts...it's a defense mechanism. Want to get others to be enthusiastic? Then act enthusiastic!

8. "Be habitually honest"

- If you frequently speak openly and honestly about things, people will trust your integrity. If you admit your mistakes, it makes your position stronger...and no-one will suspect when you do lie!!!

9. "Imagine outside the box, Solve inside the box"

The box represents conventional thinking, which is the result of ages of other's experience.

10. "Common Sense is a double negative"

-It is neither common, nor is it sensible. Therefore, assume everyone could be misinformed - including yourself.

11. "Stupidity is not a binary variable"

- Nor is cleverness, ingenuity, beauty, etc. Your relative degree of any attribute depends on what you're trying to achieve, so you can be a rocket scientist, yet still not make a better mousetrap, because mousetraps aren't rocket science!

12. "The natural state of humans is that of servants"

_Think about parents, teachers, salesman, repairmen...we all get satisfaction from serving someone...

In the words of Cheryl Crow - "It's nor having what you want, it's wanting what you've got."

13. "ENJOY THE NOISE"

Vent your rage, laugh until you ache, breathe deep. The only person you can be 100% certain will stand by is yourself, so do stand by yourself!

We Are Legion...Well, 2 of us are out there...

I was trying to find my blog from a phone the other day, so I googled "Constructive Pessimist". I was surprised to find there's more than one.

It would seem my theory is wider spread than I thought.

To save time, let me just put in the link - it is WELL WORTH a read!

http://techbrew.net/7h4r012rh1d0-923h23d/

I would like to point out that as far as I'm aware, I coined the term "Constructive Pessimist" conversationally sometime around 2006, and started this blog in 2011, so I imagine that at least one other person has coined the phrase independently.

I have some hand written notes on my take on the idea, so I may dig them up and publish them as I'm on break between semesters for a couple of weeks.

I imagine no-one's reading this, but game theory would describe this as a win / break even scenario.

If a tree screams as it falls, it doesn't matter if no-one hears it.

"The Scrabble for Africa..."

So mi old pal reminded me about a variation of Scrabble we used to play. Apparently some stand-up comic has thought of the same game. The rules are you have to create new words, then come up with a plausible definition for them. The words must be phonetically plausible, and the other players have to agree on the word being allowed - which has all kinds of Game Theory ramifications about non-communicative cooperation...

But this all has me thinking up new Scrabble based games.

Hasbro say they won't mess with a successful formula - with the exception of Scrabble Trickster - which is well worth a go.

But I can theorize, hey?

So here are 5 other scrabble games...

1. Yorkshire Dialect Scrabble

Same a Scrabble, except there are 10 extra tiles called T' - the Yorkshire contraction for the definite article. This tile is worth 1 point, and MUST precede all nouns. What makes this weird is that you can't change a noun to a verb, for example, in the pic below, I can't add "ER" to "T'CAT", because CATER is a verb, not a noun.

2. Parts Of Speech Scrabble

Extending the idea, some of the 1-point tiles have been replaced by 1-point tiles marked "NOUN", "VERB", "ADJ", "ADV", "PRON" and "PREP". These must precede the word, and again they limit the things you can append to a previous word. Some words become less flexible than they would be in normal Scrabble - for example "RUN" is both noun and verb, but if I played it as a NOUN, I couldn't then add "NING" to the end.

3. Sequential Scrabble

Ultimately, Scrabble is not just about vocabulary and spelling, but also about being able to interlock patterns to get close to a defined ideal - how you place your word to maximise the score. Removing the vocab element, we could have numerical tiles and make up new rules about how they have to interlock

The rule is that moving left to right or top to bottom, the numbers must run in ascending unbroken sequence. The sequence rotates, so after 9 you can continue with 0, 1, 2, etc. It sounds easy, but remember, you only have the 7 tiles on your rack, so you might not be able to make a good sequence in a given move, and all players are equally disadvantaged. Scores are based on tile values.

4. Equation Scrabble

Crossing the ideas a bit, tiles are the numbers 0-9, the equals-sign, remainder ("R") and the basic operators +, -, x and ÷. Numbers are worth numerical value, and everything else is worth 1 point. Equations must be true in non-modulating base-10 integer bracketless arithmetic, with multiplication and division having precedence over addition and subtraction. Equations can have any number of terms on each side, for example, I could change "1+5=6" to 2x1+5=6+1". Division may include a remainder, for example "8÷3=2R2"

5. Tricoleur Scrabble

Slightly more randomised version of sequential scrabble. Tiles are various colours - Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, White and Black. Each line must be made of a repeating pattern of exactly 3 colours, and be at least 3 tiles long. The random part is that for each colour, there are several different point values - so the set of red tiles would have one 6, 5 and 4 point, two 3 and 2 point and eight 1 point tiles.

This is why people call me a nerd...

Polymath or Hobbyist with Commitment Issues?

I play guitar, I play mandolin, I draw cartoons, I write poetry, I build robots, I write simulators, I read novels, I walk up hills, I take photos of gnarled tree roots...

I think about the vortex model of the solar system, the complexity of the physics of bouncing hair, the nature of implied pain, the mental graphics of quadratics rotated through the t-axis

I keep promising myself that I will finish a letter, complete a painting, make the robot I just built from junk do something useful...

Yet I suffer from procrastination as if it were an arthritis of the mind...

Am I so diverse that I am physically unable to focus, or am I....as my mother always told me...as my wife still tells me...as my boss has often said....

Just a lazy freaking a-hole!!!????

I'd like to argue my nature, but I can't be bothered today.

The Agrodynamics of Pockets

And Other Annoying Stuff About Garments, Car Seats and Dollar Store Glasses*

Long Story - I'm currently driving a rental car.*

It's a V6.

It's old, but a luxury model (Yes, it has a tapedeck...)

It's a smooth, fast drive.

But it has upholstery from Hell!!!!

The fabric is full of what would now be called "microfibres" - under a large lens, the strands would look like ineverted fishing hooks.

What initially feels like a cross between velveteen and corduroy soon proves to be a devious mechanism to pull down pants: When you slide down the seat, nothing happens, but when you slide up, your legs are losing a battle with the velcroid fabric to gain ownership of your trousers.

As I fidget a lot when I drive, I end up with hipsters by the time I need to alight...

Which has reminded me of an age old gripe of mine about cars seats and pockets. Since I normally drive a ute (Bakkie to a South African, Pickup Truck to everyone else), my seats are upright, and the bum part is horizontal.

But in a passenger car, the seats are angled back. You may think this is for safety, but I think not.

It's for annoyance.

Like the trolls who fill the net with drivel, knowing it will wreak havoc, every time you sit in your vehicle, it tries to mug you...your wallet and phone slide down the inverse hill, and somehow always end up in that slot between the seat belt clip and the seat where by an immutable law of lossodynamics, you can only find stuff when you've already looked there 6 times!

Anyone else hate this stuff????

*Editor's note...I thought I'd lost this blog (Possibly down by the seatbelt clip) - I originally wrote it around July or August last year and so, no, I'm no longer driving a rental, but yes, I still hate bloody pocket designers who clearly don't use pockets!

Thinking INSIDE the Square

By now you've probably seen this image... 

...and like me and millions of others you've felt nostaligic about using a pen to rewind a tape when it got tangled up...

Proof we're all impressionable.

Surely the connections between these two items are manifold? numerous? plentiful?

But we ALL see the same connection.

Not, for example:

 - they're both made from plastic...
 - they both record data
 - they were both invented in the 20th century
 - they're both portable
 - neither one can be used for its intended use on its own

etc...etc...

This is because we are all conditioned to think a certain way - we excel at spotting facial patterns (Even on Mars!), but we suck at spotting smelling mistakes (OK, I bet you BOTH saw that one!)

Here's one more example...what is the next number in this sequence?

9  8  7  6  5  4 ...

It could be anything! For example, a phone number: 987-6549...

So if you remember spinning tapes on pens, or doing online IQ tests, and you feel chuffed - you should be, you are proving yourself superior at thinking INSIDE a square (Well, maybe a hypercube?)

All else would be Anarchy (And All Else Is Entropy)